Healthy Relationships

Frequently Asked Questions Expand All

• What is a relationship?

  A relationship is the connection between you and another person. It is how you get along, communicate, spend time together, and share interests. Relationships can be healthy or unhealthy.

  Around puberty and the teen years, relationships outside your family become more important. You have relationships with your friends. You may also start thinking about romantic or sexual relationships.

  Healthy relationships do not have to include sex. If you are having sex, read You and Your Sexuality. It has more information on staying healthy when you have sex.

• What is a healthy relationship?

  A healthy relationship includes

  • respect

  • good communication

  • honesty

  • independence

  • equality

  You feel physically safe in a healthy relationship, and you are comfortable just being yourself. You have other friends and hobbies or interests, and you can enjoy being together and spending some time apart. You and the other person both enjoy the relationship.

• What is an unhealthy relationship?

  An unhealthy relationship is one where you do not feel respected. You may feel the other person is not being honest with you. Unhealthy relationships may also include

  • control, such as making all the decisions or keeping you away from other people

  • physical abuse, such as pushing or grabbing

  • teasing that is mean or makes you feel bad

  • dramatic statements, like saying you cannot live without someone

  • pressure to do things you do not want to, including having sex

  In an unhealthy relationship, the other person may want to know where you are all the time. They may text or call you constantly, act jealous, or accuse you of flirting or cheating. They may criticize how you look, or tell you how to dress and act. They may use social media to spread information about you that is untrue or makes you feel uncomfortable. And they may act violently and threaten physical acts.

  If you are you wondering if your relationship is healthy, text LOVEIS to 22522 or call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474 to talk with a counselor. Read the Resources section below for more details and ways to get help. You can also talk with your parents, your doctor, or any trusted adult who cares about your well-being.

• What should I know about setting boundaries?

  Setting boundaries means having limits. We all need to have them. You decide what you will or will not do, and you tell other people what they can and cannot do around you. When a person crosses your boundaries, it makes you feel uncomfortable.

  Healthy boundaries allow you to protect yourself and respect others. For example, you might need to spend some time by yourself every day. That is a normal boundary. Another example of a boundary is not wanting certain kinds of teasing. It is OK to speak up about your likes and dislikes and set boundaries in your relationship.

  You can also set boundaries for sex. You might be comfortable touching and kissing, but not having sex, and that is fine. You decide where your boundaries are. In a healthy relationship, the other person should not make you feel bad and should respect your boundaries. They should also have boundaries that you need to respect.

• What should I know about sex and healthy relationships?

  Sex in a healthy relationship is your choice. Both people need to feel comfortable with sex, and no one should pressure you into it. In a healthy relationship, no one forces sexual activity on a person who does not want it.

  There are many different kinds of relationships, and you can have a healthy relationship without having sex. Deciding to wait to have sex is fine. No one has the right to tell you that waiting is the wrong choice. Learn more about sex, including oral, vaginal, and anal sex, with You and Your Sexuality.

• If I choose to have sex, how can I protect myself from STIs and pregnancy?

  Condoms and dental dams protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs), but they are not the best protection against pregnancy. It is best to use condoms or dental dams and another method of birth control, such as an intrauterine device (IUD), a birth control implant or birth control pills, to protect against pregnancy and STIs. Read Birth Control to learn about the options. In a healthy relationship, you and the other person talk and plan for how to stay safe and healthy.

• What is consent?

  Consent means you agree completely to something. In relationships, it is often used to mean that you want and agree to have some type of sex or sexual touching. Consent is about saying openly that you are OK with the specific sexual activity that is happening.

  You are not consenting in these situations:

  • Someone forces you to do something that you do not want to do.

  • You feel uncomfortable with the sexual activity, but you do it because you do not want to make the other person mad or hurt their feelings.

• Why is consent important?

  Consent is an important part of a healthy relationship because it shows respect. The other person respects your feelings, needs, and wants. You create a boundary when you say some things are OK and others are not. A person who respects your consent is showing respect for you, your boundaries, and your choices.

• What should I know about the digital parts of my relationships?

  No one should pressure you to share intimate photos or videos (“nudes”) or write messages about sex (“sexting”). If you want to share these things with another person, you should know the risks.

  • The internet is permanent. After you send a photo, you can’t get it back. Even apps that claim to delete your images may let the other person save, screenshot, and share them.

  • Sexting can affect your mental and emotional health, especially if others embarrass or bully you about it.

  • There may be laws in your state that make it a serious crime to send and receive intimate images, even if the person you send them to is also under 18.

  • In an unhealthy relationship, the other person might threaten to share your private messages to pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do, scare you into staying in the relationship, or cyberbully you. Or they may share images without your consent after you break up (“revenge porn”). This is illegal, especially if you're under 18.

  If someone has shared your intimate images, you can get help. Talk with a trusted adult and read the Resources section below for more information.

• Who can I talk with about my relationships?

  You can talk with a parent or a friend you trust. You can also talk with a teacher, counselor, doctor, or other health care professional. You may want to ask what they can keep private before you talk with them. Some professionals are required to report rape or abuse if they hear about it. This is so that they can help you get the protection and resources you need.

  You can also call or text a help line. There are many free help lines that are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can get information or talk with a counselor without giving your name. Read the Resources section below to learn more.

• Why do doctors ask about relationships?

  Doctors ask about relationships because they can have a major effect on a person’s physical, mental, and emotional health. For example, breaking up with someone can affect your mental and physical health. Having sex means you need to make choices about birth control and avoiding STIs. Unhealthy relationships can also affect your health.

  If you talk honestly and openly with your doctor, they can help you understand if your relationship is healthy. And they can help you get the resources you need to stay healthy and safe.

• I think my relationship might be unsafe or unhealthy. How can I get help?

  Call 911 if you think you are in danger right now. Focus on yourself and staying safe. Stay near other people if you are breaking up, and let others know what is going on, including trusted adults.

  You can call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474 to talk with a counselor and get advice. You can also text LOVEIS to 22522 to reach a counselor. Read the Resources section below for more places to find help.

• Glossary

  Birth Control: Devices or medications used to prevent pregnancy. Also called contraception.

  Birth Control Implant: A small rod that is inserted under the skin in the upper arm. The implant releases a hormone to prevent pregnancy.

  Condom: A thin cover for the penis used during sex to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy.

  Dental Dam: A thin piece of latex or polyurethane used between the mouth and the vagina or anus during oral sex. Using a dental dam can help protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

  Intrauterine Device [in-truh-YOO-tuhr-ruhn] (IUD): A small device that is inserted and left inside the uterus to prevent pregnancy, lighten or stop periods, or reduce the risk of endometrial cancer.

  Puberty: The stage of life that leads to sexual maturity. It includes change in the external genitals, the appearance of pubic hair, and growth spurts.

  Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs): Infections that are spread by sexual contact.